The last 2 articles we have been talking about breaking the Barriers in Marriage and the 3 Steps to Breaking the Barriers. Because forgiveness is the key ingredient to breaking the barriers, let’s take a deeper look in this article about seeking forgiveness and dealing with if the forgiveness isn’t accept from the spouse.

Just because you are ready to break down the barriers doesn’t mean your spouse is on the same page. This does not mean that you do not start the process. You are not supposed to begin this with conditions.

When seeking forgiveness from your spouse here are a couple steps to take and things to remember.

  1. Admit your wrongs and ask for forgiveness. Do not use the word “if”. Example don’t say, “If I have hurt you in some way, I am sorry.” Be specific and if you are unsure what it is just say I am aware I have hurt you in some way and I am sorry. There is a big meaning change in the way you say it.

I personally have been guilty of this and diligently working on correcting it. It is more effective to see that ownership of causing the hurt helps the healing process for the other person. It doesn’t matter who did the initial wrong. The pain you’re holding onto causes you to hurt the person back in your actions, words, and attitude. This is something to keep in mind when addressing the person and seeking forgiveness.

  1. Do not place blame for the problem on your mate. This does not bring healing. Instead it will cause the spouse to be captive to guilt and will build another barrier to your marriage. If the problem needs to be spoken about, separate the behavior and your spouse. Remember it is not the spouse that is the problem but the behavior or act or sin that took place.

Forgiveness is not a replacement of accountability for behavior. It is removing the pain and captivity of the action that would want to hold you in the past and in the event.

  1. Remember God’s love covers a multitude of sin and nothing is impossible with God. We are to love our spouses with that same type of love. What better way to show our spouse God’s love then to release them into God’s arms so that He can have an opportunity to take care of them and the root of their problems so that change can take place on their side.

What if after you have asked for forgiveness and your spouse has not accepted the initial seeking forgiveness?

Continue to stop doing what has caused the feeling of separation between you two. Show in action by how you speak and act and your attitude that you are aware of where you went wrong and would like to make it right. Apply the Word of God and God will bless your steps of obedience.

You have to commit that you are going to continue with this new change and love your spouse no matter what for the rest of your life. It is what you vowed on your wedding day. Forgiveness can begin as a unilateral action, let it begin with you.

As you apply forgiveness to your marriage, change your attitude and behavior, and allow the Word of God to destroy any mindsets that have been built due to the wrong that has been done and renew your mind, you will watch the barriers that have been built around your marriage, your heart, your life, or where God shows you the barriers are, they will crumble down and restoration can begin.