Have you noticed that there are issues in your marriage and that you seem to keep hitting a brick wall? One of the biggest obstacles in marriage is not being able to admit or see the blockage and that barrier could be within you.

Once you have realized you have a barrier in your marriage, the next steps are to get the barrier broken and dismantle the structure of pain that it is built upon.

Take a moment and reflect inside yourself as you look at these steps that need to be taken to destroy these barriers.

Step 1: Forgive them.

In marriages there are times when you spouse has hurt you in some way. It does not matter how big or small the hurt starts. When these hurts are not addressed and released, a barrier is built. One of these barriers is unforgiveness.

You have to make the choice to forgive the “crime” committed against you or the wrongs that have built up over time that has caused bitterness, anger, resentment, and ought that has caused the unforgiveness to be there.

Unforgiveness is a captivity that keeps more than one person in prison and affects multiple people. Unforgiveness is a thief that will steal your peace, control your emotions, and hinder you from being able to love. If that is not enough, it gives power to the person or thing that has been done wrongly, so the situation has control over you. Even more important is the fact that if you do not forgive in this area, God cannot forgive you. These are how the bars and blocks are built to cause the barrier to take place.

Removing the barriers, blockages, and forgiving doesn’t write off what was done, but instead it removes the emotional ties to it and it no longer is an emotional event but a historical event that can become a testimony instead of a destruction in your life. You will be able to learn and move from it without the pain that binds.

Realizing that forgiveness is a choice, is very important. If you choose to hold onto this, unforgiveness can keep you in captivity that you will suffer and wrongs will be a part of everything you do. Sometimes you have to begin forgiveness by faith and God will heal the wound where complete forgiveness can take place. Once these blocks are being dismantled you will be able to fill these areas with love and new and good changes can take place.

Forgiving your spouse doesn’t change them but it does release you and open the doors of opportunity for God to work on them. It releases you from the prisons of the past so that you can move on.

God has called us to love and as long as unforgiveness is there, true love cannot flow.

Luke 4:18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to…. Set at liberty them that are bruised.” Jesus offers us both the deliverance and the healing. There is nothing so great that God cannot heal and fix and bring you out of the prison and bring in new life in the marriage. All you have to do is choose to let it go as an act of obedience to Jesus and His love will simply overpower the old resentments and issues and you will be able to begin to love as He loves. Do not underestimate the power of God’s Love.

Step 2: Changing Your Behavior

Let’s take a look at Ephesians 4:31-35. It is spelled out clearly the actions that need to take place once forgiveness has begun.

Ephesians 4:31-35 {NIV} 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

1. Let go of the negative feelings and attitudes and put it far away from you.
2. Replace the negative feelings and attitudes with positive actions and attitudes.
3. Returning what has been done for you by God because of Jesus.

The truth is we should be treating our spouse how we would want to be treated without conditions. It is not to treat them good if they treat us good. It is not a repayment of their actions but it is sowing seeds of love.

Showing kindness is an action to show that you have forgiven. Not dwelling on the wrong in your thought life or words shows you have forgiven and it will come out in your actions. If you haven’t forgiven the pain will continue to build barriers and separation will continue.

To truly forgive you must say good bye forever to the pain of the past and get rid of the effects it has on the present. You can only do this by this next step.

Step 3: Renewing Your Mind.

When you experience pain, trauma, and a wrong from a spouse, pain develops and so does mindsets on how to deal with that pain. Those thoughts can build strongholds {house of thoughts} that have to be torn down and remove the strength the barriers might find for support. You need a mindset change.

To be able to renew your mind is by replacing the negative emotions and thoughts by replacing them with the Word of God and applying it in your life.

Philippians 3:13 {KJV}¹³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,

When you apply the Word of God in this way, you will be able to walk out forgiving and experience freedom from the pain of the past, destroy the barriers in your marriage, and a step closer to restoration.

Stay tuned for What To Do To Seek Forgiveness From Spouse