In parts 1, 2 and 3 we have established what submission is and that it is something God has told us we are to do. But what does it look like? How do we put our first foot forward in the steps of obedience?
Will it be easy right away? Just like with all things, breaking old habits are hard and getting into a routine of a new lifestyle takes practice and consistent effort.
Keep in mind that being submissive means getting out of the way and giving God the open path to work with your husband and teach him how to lead the family in the way that God wants it done. In this time, you need to give grace and respect your husband’s daily needs.
A lot of times women do not understand what their husbands need. A husband needs to feel that he is respected and valued by his wife and family. Think about it, God put Adam in charge of the animals and the land. God placed Eve in Adam’s life so that he had a companion and a help mate. God did not want Adam to be alone. So why as wives are we not supporting this role that God has created them for?
When you are not submitting you are not being obedient to what God has given you as a wife to do. Embrace the role and not resent it. Change your view in how you look at it and choose to enjoy this assignment that God has given you. After all you are going to be doing this for a life time. That is what you committed to in your vows when you committed to the marriage and to your husband. It is a covenant that you should honor and cherish. Study the Bible and really come to an understanding on the outline that the Bible has given us to live by.
Here are some things that being submissive looks like and that we should be doing:
Ask your husband questions and include him in decisions you make.
Sometimes wives do not think about how many decisions they make in a day and take for granted that others (children and husband) just go with the flow. Husbands do like to know that their opinion is valued and wanted. Even if you already know the answer, it doesn’t hurt to let them be involved. You may be surprised at what they have to offer in suggestions as well.
It is good to have another opinion other than your own because they could very well see something you did not.
The thing that may cause you to believe you don’t need to do this could be the very root of why it’s hard for you to submit to your husband. When you get to that root and get rid of it, things will become easier to let go.
Speaking of letting go – wives, we need to give some things up.
Ladies, you do not have to do everything. You do not need to allow fear to drive your life that if you don’t do it, that it won’t get done right. Even though it will not get done your way, you need to leave room for them to do their parts and share the load.
Sometimes the very thing you need to give up is your own understanding and just trust that God has it under control. Your husband needs to feel that he can provide for you and the family. If you are always doing the jobs, it will enable him to be lethargic and could even possibly put them in a state of depression or arrogance depending on the situation.
A voice of wisdom once had advised that a man will do what they are allowed to get away with. In this day and age with the positions in the home already being messed up, if you are separating him from his responsibilities the more room there is for the enemy to play around with your husband’s mind, will, and emotions. Let go and give him room to make his own mistakes.
Ladies, there is enough in the Word of God to keep us busy in our own responsibilities that we don’t need to be doing his as well. And if you are yielding to your husband you are teaching your children the right way to go and could be one of the things that will bring back the solid living and morals back to society. It does start in the home. Why not start with us?
Another way to submit to your husband is to become intimate with him.
Having sex with your husband keeps you connected with him physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Intimacy doesn’t just mean sex but sex is a part of it. It is a physical action that was meant to be shared between a husband and wife. It is something that helps keep the bond strong, reinforces the Godly soul tie, and bring you closer together.
So what does submitting and sex have anything to do with one another? Well when you are having sex it is supposed to be about giving yourself to your spouse. You are also giving a fulfilment to him of a desire that helps him feel loved and lessens the temptation of looking for that connection on the outside of marriage.
Believe it or not next to prayer, being sexually involved helps bond a couple together. If this is an area where you struggle, ask God to help you and He will reveal to you why and how to fix it.
You just have to be open minded to hear what He has to say. If it is because of past sexual encounters, or you just feel bound in this area, it is a good idea to talk to your Pastor or a deliverance minister and get set free from the hurt and hindrance that would keep you in disobedience to God’s Word of submission.
This and money are the two areas that the enemy fights the most in the marriage because the devil knows the strength in the unity in both areas. Why not take the power out of his hands and enjoy what God has given. If you quit fighting about sex/intimacy and finances/money, you will see your marriage take a whole new meaning.
Another way you can help your husband to feel valued is by letting him lead prayer.
Encourage your husband to lead the prayer and to pray with you. This helps you to hear also what is on his heart, what he is believing for, and builds his confidence in God.
Don’t be afraid to ask your husband to pray for you or to pray when things are not so good. This type of submissiveness allows you to get out of the way and let God teach him how to rely on God and provide spiritually for the family. You will see that the more you encourage him to do this the quicker he will be at doing it on his own when bad situations come around.
Participate in agreeing with his prayers and don’t try to over pray him. It is not about who is doing what but about getting the prayers out there and to God. Unity is something I could go on and on about and the importance of it, but for now the benefits of submission shall be enough.
Don’t leave your husband in the dark on what is going on with you. Don’t hold back sharing your side of life but in the same breath don’t overshare. Don’t just expect to have your desires to be met. When you share yourself with your husband, give him the space by submitting to what he has to offer the situation.
Do not beat him over the head with hours of talking but don’t hold out on him either. It is all about finding the balance. If you want him to hear you ask God to help you talk to him so that he can understand and accept it. Take into consideration what has gone on with him that day and the importance of priority that the conversation needs to have.
He does want to know about the children and about your day, but no one likes to be sitting listening to rambling.
Also don’t try to keep talking until he gives in to what you wanted. Give him the same respectful ear as you would want him to do to you. When you do this you are submitting to his desires over your own, but do not go over the line of compromising your own worth. There is a balance to be had in all of this and it does take listening to the Holy Spirit and He will help teach you as you go through the process.
These are only some ways that you can be submissive to your husband. There are many more. I hope this gives you more of an idea on what you can be doing on your part.
I get it, there are times that the husband just doesn’t get it and may need to change himself. This is and can be very true. But the truth also is you cannot change him. So for the change to really begin you have to start with yourself and see where that takes you. You can get the keys, put it in the lock, turn the key, and even open the door. But he has to be the one to walk through it.
If your eyes are upon Jesus you will be able to do these things and make these changes simply because you love Jesus.
Keep in mind that as with any change there can be resistance, even a little skeptical of the new changes and what to expect from the other person. Some days you are going to do better than others. Don’t give up when it seems hard or it may not be accepted right away. Keep moving forward and be persistent in applying this to your life.