Last month we proposed questions to get you to think about your sexual life with your spouse and to face whether or not it is lined up with God’s Word or is it laced with perversion. As you explore these issues you will find that one of its roots is a problem in covetousness.
Let’s look at a couple different definitions so that we can be more aware of just what we are talking about here.
1 the alteration of something from its original course, meaning, or state to a distortion or corruption of what was first intended.
2 sexual behavior or desire that is considered abnormal or unacceptable.
1 marked by inordinate desire for wealth or possessions or for another’s possessions.
Many times people do not look at the perversion issue as a problem of coveting something that is not theirs to have. And when you are thinking and dwelling on wanting these things you also run into a web of other sins such as idolatry, deception, manipulation and adultery to name a few. You become focused on those desires; that just like an addict on drugs, you will become consumed with the lustful desire that you will do just about anything to get what you are reaching for. You become focused on the painting that the enemy has painted as the grass is greener on the other side that you are not seeing the beauty that you have been already placed into that may just need to be maintained.
So what do you do when you find out that you have this in your marriage and how do you get it out? Because sexual sins are very mind based sins, you have to go through a process of working out of the habits, addictions, and desires that you may have once had.
If you find out that your spouse has these issues, you have to be very careful that you do not play into their perversions and stand your ground, even if this makes the spouse upset. You cannot help your spouse if you get into the perversion. If anything you will cause them to continue or even go deeper in. Godly boundaries will have to be set and it will require love, patience, endurance, and being able to work through the process each day not holding resentment, bitterness, anger, or the like against them.
You cannot have a mindset that you need to reach or respond as the world would to an injustice being done to you. Yes, it is true these things should not have happened to you, but you do not have the right to hold it against the spouse but instead allow God to deal with it. Instead, you should help present an atmosphere of change that will give the spouse an opportunity to get out of the bondage they are in through prayer, encouragement to get better, and to walk in forgiveness. But by no means do you condone or participate in the perversion behavior.
If you are a spouse who has become lost in perversion and want help, you should seek deliverance as well as seek help from a mature spiritual member of the body of Christ that will help support you in getting better and overcoming this addiction that has taken place in your life. There are now materials out there that will help bring an understanding in what you are facing and how you can live a life being free of pornography, perversion, and all ungodly sexual desires. One of those materials is the Conquer Series.
Communication with your spouse is one of the greatest keys to use to overcome this perversion that has crept up in your marriage or maybe you have even unknowingly been participating in it not knowing it was wrong. The statement ‘what goes on behind closed doors is between my spouse and I’ is a dangerous statement. God is there with you also. God expects you to follow His guidance in all things.
If you find yourself in a position where you no longer want the perversion in your marriage but your spouse does not share this point of view it would also be advisable to reach out to a mature Spirit led member of the Body of Christ, your Pastor who should be able to guide you, someone to help you pray and seek God’s face on the steps of how to help your spouse as well as how to keep you out of it.
This can be a long road, but God is more than enough to see you through. The key is to not look at this as the world sees things but how God sees things. He has given a peace that surpasses all understanding. The devil tries to trick us into believing we have to understand what is going on but that is not necessarily the truth in all things. There are times we just need to trust God that He has it all under control and let it go.
Do not be afraid to reach out for help if you find yourself in a marriage with perversion. If you do not have anyone else to reach out to please contact us here at The Lighthouse Inc. Church and we will do our best to get you the proper resources and prayer that you will need to take the steps into freedom from perversion.