Last month it was being addressed about the toxic emotions that can separate marriages and relationships of all kinds.

Toxic emotions, habits, thought patterns, and lifestyles do not just hurt you but also hurts those around you. Last month we addressed the criticism, contempt, stone walling, and the punisher.

Another toxic emotion is in the form of emotional abuse known as gaslighting. Gaslighting is a manipulative form of being defensive. Instead of rebutting back, a person who is gaslighting responds out of ways that makes the other person think or believe that they are crazy, losing their mind, and questioning what is reality. It makes a person feel they are losing their memory, perception, and sanity.

This goes right along with one of the deadliest toxic deaths to a relationship and that is the passive aggressor. Instead of confronting, blaming, or taking the blame they remain without action. It became a veil over the anger and the contempt that a person may feel. Doing nothing is not the answer.

When Jesus addressed the Pharisees, unreliable disciples, and even the suspicious Samaritans it was in love but with Truth and facts towards the actions that they were committing. Paul was also direct when it came to confrontation and he stood by his actions and even his flaws. He was not afraid to admit fault but also gave a solution on how he learned to correct that mistake or flaw and use it as a teaching tool.

Toxicity of emotions can come in through having poor boundaries in your relationship. This can result in resentment. When a person continues to give and give, hold onto feelings, and even neglect their own needs, resentment has a breeding ground. We need to remember there is a balance and the only one who can do it all is Jesus. This includes saving people, changing them, and correcting them that brings a transformation if they choose to accept the truth.

Along with these toxic emotions there is a toxic habit that can destroy a relationship and that is gossiping to another person or trying to manipulate that person in doing the dirty work of cleaning up your relationship because you did not want to do the work or you are expecting them to take your side. This forms an unnecessary triangle that can cause a lot of damage and you should not do this. There are times when you need to open up for ministry or things of that kind but remembering that you should be open with your husband to discuss the problem. If you are not, ask God what will help you.

You cannot just sit back and wait for the other person to change before you do what you need to do to make things better. This also will cause you to stay in a toxic relationship or even place hopelessness in the mix and bondage then takes place. Do not decide to do nothing. Instead learn to advocate for yourself, establish firm boundaries, say no when it is appropriate, and pray and ask God what you should do. Do not decide to live in hopelessness, but instead get out of denial and any dysfunction and see that God has the power to transform any relationship.

Now when the truth seeks to resurrect something – it implies that something had to die first. We must lay down {to let die} what we know, hope for and all coping mechanisms that help us {in our own strength} to feel safe, powerful or familiar.

With the help of the Holy Spirit we can recognize where we fall in our love walk, correct it, and move on. Thank you God for His transforming and restoration power. Lay down the tools of separation and pick up your weapons of honesty, forgiveness, wise council, loving no’s and the ability to admit when wrong and choose to walk out and with the love walk, just as Jesus did.