Many times when a person gets married, they have an idea on who they believe a person is and have made up their mind on what they are like and most of it comes from focusing on the things that are good. Then once a person gets married, the flaws become amplified for one reason or another.
With these flaws you find yourself having to face reality that there is more to the person you married then what you perceived from the beginning. Marriage is a journey all of itself and will take you to a high mountain and can take you to a low valley, but you have to choose each day to keep moving forward no matter where you find yourself. Sometimes this can be easier said than done.
What if you find yourself married to a person who is irresponsible and you are carrying a burden that was meant for two to carry? Unfortunately this happens more often than not. The purpose and roles in marriage has been turned upside down and inside out so that things can be hard keeping in order. Just because a spouse doesn’t keep an agreement that you made before you get married does not mean you have grounds for a divorce. It just means you need to come together and find a solution to the problem.
For example: You may have married a woman who had a good job and a decent amount of money and then she no longer works for one reason or another. This could cause a big ruckus because you may be depending on that money to pay for your home and bills. Instead of allowing this to tear your marriage apart, you need to make decisions on how to overcome this problem instead of the problem overcoming you. One solution would be to make the wife aware how her not working is putting a strain on the finances and that she may have to get another job or find another way of making up the difference or you may have to find another place that you would be able to afford to live.
Unfortunately when a spouse is irresponsible it doesn’t just affect them but the whole house. You cannot control what they are doing but you can change how you are addressing it and what you can do to correct the problem on your end. Most times it is just sitting down and figuring out what will work for the both of you and facing the problem. Ignoring the problem or sweeping it under the rug doesn’t do any good. The dirt is still there.
What happens if there is a night and day change in the responsibility of a person once you get married? Address the problem and if the spouse refuses to change you are going to have to figure out a way where there are consequences that can influence their actions. If they are not making the money then limit their access to the money, cut back on the “finer things of life”, and follow through with your decisions. If children are involved, make sure the children are taken care of first.
There are times that you are going to have to reach out for outside help to get things on track. There is not a lot of true examples on how to handle problems like this because not enough people see that it is important to fix a marriage but instead they “trash” it when it doesn’t work the way they think it should.
Of course there are other variables that can come up where people are dependent on the spouse because of health issues or inability to work or do things that would help with the load. Each couple will have individual needs that will be unique to their situations and there is no one answer fits all except the fact that love is to be unconditional. We each have a responsibility to do our share that we are capable of doing. It is important to find out where this responsibility really lies and where it is a self-motivated stipulation that you have put on your spouse that is not what will work.
Either way, prayer and seeking God’s face is the best way to address all issues. If you are really seeking His face, He and the Holy Spirit will lead you to a solution and you will watch things work out. But you have to make sure you are doing your part and if it looks hopeless do not hesitate to get outside help from your pastor or a ministry that deals with these kinds of things. God will take care of you and your needs will be met if you just believe Him. It is in the Word of God and you can stand on it.
This does not excuse what your spouse is doing but it does keep the provisions that you may personally need for your family flowing and things will work out.