In our marriages there are good times and bad times. Sometimes it may feel there are more bad times than good times. Then there are times when couples find themselves in troubling times and feel that there is nowhere to go. When you feel there is nowhere to go, you have entered into a captive mindset. The truth is God always gives us a place of escape but it doesn’t mean divorce or to live miserably.

To help get your mind in a more stable order, let’s destroy any myth that you may be believing in that would be the bars in your captivity and be set free by exposing the lie with the truth.

When you find yourself in a place of cloudiness and things do not look clear except what you are going through you have entered the ‘you’ zone. ‘You’ zone consists of only making decisions and using the vision of your perspectives and understanding and only according to what you think and feel.

Another zone a person can get caught up on is the ‘fantasy’ zone. This zone is when the vision and perspective is based upon “wishful” thinking  with no foundation. This is different from faith thinking. Faith thinking has a foundation and can be back up with the Word of God.

When you ‘wishful’ think, It gets you ignoring the problem or overly entertaining it. When you do this it is making things less than what they are or exaggerating them. You must come back and face reality and allow the truth to break the bonds. You have to take responsibility for YOUR actions, emotions, and thoughts.

You should not blame others for your unhappiness because only you can make the choice to be happy. A good example is when Paul was in the prison and he praised God anyway. Paul was in the toughest conditions and if he would of look at the things around him, he could have easily gotten discouraged and rightfully so. He was falsely accused and beaten and thrown in a prison within a prison. There was a greater purpose for his suffering and instead of complaining he and Silas praised God and prayed. Because of this a soul – the jailer and his household, was saved.

Paul was able to do this because his focus was on God and not what was going on around him. This truth shines the light on the belief that people think that their environment determines their state of mind and this is not true. Yes, our environment has an effect on who we are, but it does not control you. You can overcome any environment. You have to choose to. You DO NOT have to be the victim.

Here are some examples of those who have the incorrect belief:

I grew up in an abusive home and I will be abusive or abused.

My mother was irresponsible and it makes me irresponsible.

I can only be happy if things are perfect between my spouse and me.

This kind of thinking and actions in life will bring negative thinking and consequences. If a person continues in this negative thought pattern and negative life, it can lead to depression and misery. This kind of thinking kills the hope and drags down the spouse and a bigger separation takes place.

Philippians 4: 6-9 (NIV)

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

 You have to be the atmosphere changer instead of the atmosphere conformer or dweller. Sometimes this will be tough but it can be done.

Another myth that people believe is people do not change. This type of thinking goes along with “you cannot teach an old dog new tricks” {proverb}. The truth is even if someone has done the same thing for 15 years there is a chance for them to change. It may be extremely hard but they can do it. Everyone has their breaking point, just some do not get to it. It may seem that they are set in concrete but even concrete can be broken up with the right tools.

When you believe people cannot change, you can fall into captivity of feelings of hopelessness and uselessness for you and or the person. Your limited thinking actually could be enabling them to stay the way they are and not change.

When the change does take place it usually is a drastic one. It could even be a miracle. You have to be ready to accept the change and adapt to it. Don’t become the walls that hinder the change. Be the wall destroyer and make room for the change. You can do this by praying and encourage the change as it is taking place. You can even keep healthy boundaries to give God the space to help them make the decision to change.

Another myth that people fall into is believing that the sign of trouble in a marriage only has two answers. They believe that they can either live in misery or end the marriage in divorce. Both of these “solutions” are deceiving and causes further damage.

Depending on how the person or yourself has handled the problem in the past or have received them will have an impact on your response to the problems that come up in your marriage. First you have to look past the problem and see that all problems have a solution.

You need to check your perception and look at things on your spouse’s point of view and realize that their point of view and realize that there are more than one side to the problem. Don’t settle for defeat because a problem arises but be determined to overcome it.

This is when praying and talking with God comes in. God can deal with the internal battles that are going on in the both of you. It is also good to have someone you can trust to talk to and keep you accountable for your actions.

No one has to live in misery. You can choose to be happy. Will you hurt? Yes. Will you get mad? Yes. You will have good and bad days but is it really worth throwing it all away? This leads into another myth that many other people’s marriages can be saved but theirs is the exception. They do believe that marriages can be restored, salvaged, and saved, but they just cannot believe for theirs. They believe their marriage is hopeless.

They may believe that their marriage has had too much damage done to it and can’t be fixed. Discouragement and even depression can set in and keep a person thinking, “what is the use?”

The truth is as long as one or both are willing to keep going, there is a chance. You have to drop the lies and allow them to be exposed. You also have to be willing to make changes. You have to be willing to let go of the past and that even means yesterday or even an hour ago. Hope won’t die unless you quit believing. God can heal the wounds and hurt that has been happening through the problems.

Divorce is not the answer. Being miserable is not the answer. These will only increase the pain and problems. Instead seek God’s face and Godly guidance for your own behavior and change can happen. Life is too short to let it pass you by or be limited by negative thinking. Place your mind on good and pleasing thoughts and watch the difference it can make.

Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

⁸ Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

 Be determined to live out your martial vows. When you said I do you did not say what you demanded but what you would give in the marriage. It is a commitment that you made to last a lifetime and not just in the good times. As you live out your end it gives God the opportunity to work on your spouse. Enjoy working out your vows and see that as you are doing these things for them you are doing them for God.

As you overcome these myths allow the truth that God  loves you and wants you to enjoy life as you fulfill your destiny and purpose in Him. There is hope. Be willing to not look at what your spouse is or is not doing but instead what you are to be doing and only let go if God says to let go. Don’t throw away your marriage because it looks broke, but instead find and use the right tools to see it be restored.