Loneliness is one of the things that many people go into a marriage thinking they are not going to experience it. When they are single they allow lies such as: “You will find ‘prince charming’, ‘you will not be alone’, ‘obeying God will give you a fulfilling marriage’, or ‘as long as you are married, you won’t feel rejection as you did growing up’.

Some single men may believe that if they find the right woman and marry them, then they will be seen a certain way or that they will have someone to do things for them. Some single women may believe that they will have a man that will pamper them and give them undivided attention and receive a love that they so desire. A false belief of security forms that they will not feel or be alone, that they would have their spouse there at all times and if they were to feel alone that something is wrong.

With these lies planted, a false expectation is there and when what you expected doesn’t happen, it can devastate you, hurt you, and even cause your marriage to fall apart. Those unmet expectations can bring you in long dark nights, full of tears and mixed emotions, but there is hope. There needs to be an understanding that at times we will feel alone, but it is up to us what we do with those feelings.

The truth is in a marriage you will experience loneliness. It could be from your spouse or from something or someone in your life that has been lost and it has caused a void in our lives that we may feel we need. It may be the lack of something that we feel should have taken place or be in a certain order.

When we are married, an expectation of your spouse filling that void that may not be his to fill or he may not be capable to fill it at that time.

Does it resolve that fact that you feel alone? No. However it does bring an understanding that the feeling is not a reason for panic but a reason to observe and look inwardly in ourselves on what is going on.

Life will bring different situations and circumstances in our lives that we are going to experience periods of happiness and sadness, joy and sorrow, laughter and misery, etc. Loneliness is another one of those feelings.

When we become lonely we are faced with two choices. We can allow the loneliness to overcome us and continue to fill those voids in any way we can temporarily. Some people turn to addictions of some sort. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, over eating, over bearing with trying to control, getting lost in a game, phone, or even paranoia to fill the void. They are never satisfied and always wondering what went wrong.

The other choice you can make is to God and allow Him to fill any void that we have within us. Being alone in a marriage does hurt and God does understand. It can be hard to work through the disappointment that comes when you have been given a promise of someone to be there with you. It was not God’s intentions for man or woman to be alone and that is why He gave Adam, Eve. But somewhere along the line this has been lost.

When you begin to feel lonely, spend more time with God and allow Him to help you work through the pain. Find something to do for God’s kingdom, lift someone else up who may be going through a problem, get into the Word, etc.

It is not wrong to feel alone. It is wrong to stay in that state of mind. If you have to go back to God to help you deal with the feeling of loneliness, do so. It is when you do nothing that causes the problems. Ignoring the feeling does not make it go away. You need to seek God’s face for the necessary steps to overcome the loneliness.

God desires us to not be alone, but there will be times you will have to be content in spending your time in your prayer closet for your spouse and be obedient to what God tells you to do for them. Your support can make a big difference for your spouse and even reveal things that you may need to deal with in yourself.

Embrace this time of loneliness and not resent it. Give God control and walk out each step one at a time and then it will pass and the loneliness will not be as bad because you will come to understand, with God you are never alone.