So many times in a marriage we end up wounding instead of healing our spouse. We react out of our own wounds that we don’t even take notice that our spouse is laying there helplessly bleeding. We look to them to heal us and tend to our wounds instead of seeing that they may be incapable of doing that themselves. How does a married couple get to this place?

It is so important that as an individual you learn to look to God for absolutely everything you need in life. In you do this, when a person fails you (and they will) you will not fall apart but instead you will love them anyways.

All through life we are looking for a place where we fit. We grow up reading fairy tales that things magically end up happily ever after. We read stories of being tough and having to succeed in all we do and if not then we are the weakling that will not amount to anything. Both of these are so far from the truth but we still tend to strive for this unreachable goal.

There are lies placed in the mind as a child that the sky is the limit without rules, boundaries, and to reach for your dream without having to concern yourself with respecting those in authority or respect anyone at this point. It is taught that if they are in opposition of you that they automatically are holding you back and the destructive mentality takes place. On the other end of this there are parents that have sheltered their children and have enabled them so badly that they expect everyone including their spouse to continue to do the same thing. Then reality hits.

The truth is each and every one of us will fail… we will fail multiple times. The truth is each one of us are going to get hurt, be rejected, and become disappointed in expectations that we had that did not come out the way we had planned. The truth is not everyone is going to be in agreement to what we are doing and there are going to be barriers and boundaries in how to achieve where we are going in life.

The truth is we need to realize that we are going to get hurt. But the rest of that is we do not have to stay hurt and wounded. We do not have to allow our failures to stop us from reaching our purpose God has given us to be here. We do not have to look at opposition as a hindrance but an opportunity to ask God to open an impossible door if it be His Will. And when these things happen we need to choose to love no matter what.

We can choose to love when it hurts the most and pick ourselves back up when it seems that there is no recovery in sight. This is the first step to true healing and restoration. One of the very first things to do when showing love is forgiveness when someone hurts you.

One of the two biggest things that God emphasizes in His Word and that is Love and Faith. It is the two things that the enemy cannot contain. It is also the two things that bring us to victory in Jesus Christ every time.

I am not going to tell you this is an easy task because it is not. Even though Jesus loves us and knew what He had to do to save mankind, through His hurting He still cried out Father if it’s possible pass this cup from Me… but it was the words that came next that brought love to a triumph and a strength to endure what He would have to go through – the faith in His Father’s will. Jesus said “ But not My Will but Your Will be done.”

One of the reasons we end up hurting each other over and over instead of helping to bandage the wounds, is because we are unwilling to relinquish our will. We look at it as we are entitled to something because of the pain but that is not the truth. Nowhere in the Bible does it say you will not hurt. Nowhere in the Bible does it say marriage is perfect and without problems. In fact is says the opposite. The Bible tells us that we will suffer. The Bible does say that marriage is a beautiful thing BUT is trouble. Without problems we can’t become overcomers. Without marriage we would not have the connection with one another as God wanted.

The enemy has twisted the things that God wanted us to embrace and allow it to build our character and to bring us from one level to the next. The enemy filled our heads full of unmet and unattainable expectations that it continues the vicious cycle of hurt.

The only one who can stop this cycle is you. You will have to choose to love no matter what. You have to choose to put your faith in God that He will help you to love and He will heal your wound and in return you will be able to love your spouse and bring healing to them through the love of Jesus.

We need to come to an understanding that in a marriage it is no longer individual wills but as you became one so did your wills. Your wills should of came one with the Father. Not everyone is fortunate to have someone who has the same love for God or on the same path. But it doesn’t mean that you are not supposed to love. Your love could be what very well brings them into the house of God and in their rightful place with God, but most importantly to become saved and born again. Love is so powerful yet it is one of the least things used anymore correctly.

It is time that we stop hurting one another because we are hurting. We need to embrace our spouse and let them know that as you are going on the life journey together that you will be true to your vows and love them through all things. We need to make the choice that their pain needs to be healed even more than ours and as we are about that we can make the choice to allow God to heal us. When we choose to love others even when they do not return it back a seed is planted and healing can be birthed. That is when you know you are learning true agape love when you can love even when it hurts.